The Answer

I'm starting to see how i'm hurting you and each day i do adds up slowly.Everytime i hurt you it feels like i'm caught up in a strong current again.My emotions were played with at times.Those feelings were unanimously discarded.Who's getting left behind? You are not the only one caught in between truth and lies.A sweet sound ends in fleeting pleasure.Then starts over again.Morphing into something new and intoxicating.Into a clear bright tomorrow.Hope is swallowed up as time goes by.Our memory's ashes will be scattered and forgotten. So what can i count on? The warmth i feel in your body's The Answer.

Another Chance

I love you and that is true, no one know how much i long for you. Each day i dream that you are near just a glance away...

Another chance that's all i ask, to hold you close and hope for the moment to last.

I'd give my all to see and touch your face, memories each angle to have something to rekindle.

Your my dream come true and i'll give my life for you, i'll protect you make sure that no one can ever hurt you.

I'll ask all the angels to guide you, i'll always love you and no one will take your place.

Looking up to the sky, for each time a star sparkles i'll know its you smiling from above.

I miss you Keng Eileen so bad...

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I'm So

I'm so into her,
I'm so obsessed of her,
I'm so in love with her,
I'm so being blue over her,
I'm so in desire to want her,

My heart, however still remained yours.

Breathe

not again
my girl for the fourth time
let me make it very clear to you
your very dear to me
and honor of me
share to you
me not unfair to you
who would u want
for real you make me know and
i will be there for you
but me know im not a fear to you
stand up like a man and not be there cuz i care for you
long time tellin you
no other girl can compare to you
woman if you leave me now,
im gonna shed a lotta tears for you
say you want to breathe
im still not im exhalin'
say you want to leave cuz this relationship failin'
aint nobody say that it would be smooth sailin'
girl i wana know why your bailin'

Today

Oh well,here i go again....

Today,i personally asked my mom to cook steam fish...It was a specific one...Steam red talapia...like how Eileen and me had it before for quite few times...So yeah she cooked it..I was very happy feasting on the whole fish by myself for lunch...

After lunch,i kinda watched American Pie String Academy half way thru until i decided to head down to the city heart; KLCC for some beer...Reached there sharp 5pm and started with beer..went to sit by the bar and there's this mat saleh couple from Holland and USA...I figured i don't wanna be lonely so i started to have conversation with them.The guy is from Florida,USA and the girl is from Rotterdam,Netherlands..

What made me sad was that they noticed about the ring that im wearing on my right hand finger...Told them my engagement been called off..They feel for me..Told them that i cheated on my fiancee and the couple told me how they cheated on their ex before too.Sigh...People do mistakes in their life...

Anyway,happily chatted with them until the 7th bottle and we figured to go somewhere else and i suggested to go Reggae Bar in Chinatown...Oh,before that,i befriended with two guys next to us..Malay guys...chatted a while and told them that we were going to reggae bar.

So,off we went to reggae bar.

There,the two malay guys came along like after an hour.Glad to see them.At least i don't have to be alone because i don't really want to bother with the mat saleh couple.

What happened was that one of the malay guy cried to the girl.I wondered why,so i asked the other malay guy and he told me that his friend cried due to his love one cheated on him and getting married in February.He was so down.I felt for him.

I broke tears out of nowhere.He didn't cheat like how i did and he got that kind of treatment.I feel for him.REALLY! I consoled him and actually i was telling myself the same too.Yeah you can tell i'm a cry baby,but a man is still a human being.We do have feelings just like woman,just that we don't show it that often.

I don't know what to do after.Vladana saw me with sad face.She came and consoled me.She's a nice girl.Glen,you better take care of her.That's what i always emphasized to him.Don't be like me.To realized what i've lost after she was gone from my life.

So around 1am,Glen started to get tipsy.I figured it was the best time to send them back to the hotel and we did.While driving back,i figured to drop by the hospital to give a visit to Aszam.Apparently he was admitted for food poisoning.

By 2.30qm,i drove back.Decided to have maggi soup.Been craving for it for weeks.I'm satisfied.


How coincidence to see someone else who is heart broken too.I feel for you bro!

By the way,we exchanged our phone numbers.We might catch up again at the same place somewhere next week.Obviously i will be alone again.

That's all folks.Gonna continue back my movie.Goodnight ;)

Just The Way You Are Malay Remix

I'm Lonely

Baby
I don't want you to go
I love you so
More than you will ever know
Lately
I only made you cry
But don't you say good bye
Won't you give me one more try
Cause I'm lonely
I feel so lonely
I need your body by my side
To get me through there endless nights
I'm lonely
I feel so lonely
There's no one in this world for me but you

I love you Keng Eileen...

I Want To Know What Love Is

I Wish

I wish i never had met you,then there would be no need to impress you,no need to want you,no need for loving you,no need for crying over you,no need for heartbreaks,no need for pain for both of us,no need for tears,no need for forgotten promises,no need for rejected hugs,no need to crying myself to sleep,no need for acting like you care,no need for everything i've done to make you feel like absolutely nothing but most of all i love you too much that i'm not willing to let you go..

I hate myself..

Just Want You To Know

Just want you to know,that since I lost you, I lost myself...No I can't fake it, there's no one else..I love you Valerian Keng Eileen

Grow Old With You

My only wish :(

PINCER

Today,i received news from my friend.It was about the project that im handling in Ipoh.It was in 2 major tabloids and i would say that im darn proud of my hardwork.Nothing can describe how im feeling now.Job well done Nezyrin! im proud of u mother fucker!

http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/PiNCERberoperasibulandepan/Article/index_html

http://peraktoday.com/wp/?p=9926

http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2011&dt=0107&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Utara&pg=wu_01.htm

Memories

Love Suffers

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Moments

There are moments when i'm driving and she woke up next to me and whispered "I love you yang".There goes a small little pause and a smile from me.

Tears

Is what left in me....Memories....the hardest thing for me to forget....it can't be vanished just like that....Love....i learned it the hard way...I don't think i would be able to love someone anymore.Too much hurts by my own mistakes...After the proposal,i really wanted to settle down..No more lies,no more tears...All i wanted to do is just be truthful to my love one...but like the story of the young boy and his sheeps with the villagers,no one ever gonna trust me anymore.I failed you guys,i failed myself and i failed her.

My first time of proposing to a lady.I was nervous yet excited.I thought i could be well better off.Like a wise man said "Marriage is our last best chance to grow up" but it lasted for a good 10 days.I enjoyed every moment with her as my fiancee.I even addressed her as my fiancee to everyone that i speak to even to strangers.I didn't mean to hide her before.I felt very much comfortable to tell everyone that she's my fiancee.My wife to be..but in the end,it didn't happen.I'm shattered....All i know,i wouldn't give my heart to anyone as it's only meant for her.It will take much stronger lady to steal my heart away from her but as of now,i wouldn't be ready for the next relationship with other women.I will walk away from them i swear.I will tell them that i'm not ready.It's better be true than not.

Careless Whisper

Kept repeating this song...got stucked in my head...

Bukan Cinta Biasa

The One Natural Candid Picture of all time

how loving we get....i will always remember this for the rest of my life...

Still Loving You

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

Fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, only love
Can break down the walls someday.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?
I'm loving you.

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again.
I will be there, I will be there.

Love, your love
Just shouldn't be thrown away.
I will be there, I will be there.

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Your pride has build a wall, so strong
That I can't get through.
Is there really no chance
To start once again?

If we'd go again
All the way from the start,
I would try to change
The things that killed our love.

Yes I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through.
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end.

I'm still loving you.
I'm still loving you,
I need your love.
I'm still loving you.
Still loving you, baby...




I beg you to give me a chance to start once again all the way from the start....

My lost little one

As i sat here and reminiscing of my lost lil one
I think of what u would have been like,
Would u have looked like me?
Would u have fit the family?
I think abt u and wonder my darling,
I wish i could have met you, if only held u once,
I know u had to be taken away,
to be at home where i too will be one day.
Ur life was nvr meant to be.
U were given a life, a soul, a future name
But now things will nvr be the same.
U were mine to give life to
Though only for a while
Things had changed...
I will nvr see your smile.
Yet my love for u
Will nvr disappear
Though ur voice,ur laugh,
I will nvr get to hear.
U will always be my baby
Though i've never seen ur face.
Not a thing in this world
Can ever take your place.
I know my lost lil one that you are gone,
gone but not 4ever.
In my heart i know that one day we will be there together,
And i will nvr let you go,
No one will hurt u, my lost lil one,
I fought for u, please believe me i did
I was too little too late to decide,
I wanted you from the start but i was unsure abt ur mom's decision
I fought to save u, but she was just too strong,
I want u to know i love u, and to know i am sorry,
for making u go, the way u did,
U will never be forgotten
When I realized I'd nvr hold u,
The feeling i had was numbing.
My angel baby is who u are.
My angel baby you'll always be.
Ur loving memory will live in my heart
So u will always be right here with me.
I wish i could do it again, i would have been gone,
gone away with you,
I would do anything for u, u are my child,
my shining star, my life
I know my words cant change the past,
but i can change the future,
My lost lil one,
it will never happen to your brothers or sisters,
I will protect them to the death,
I will not let them go too,
I had to lose you, that was hard enough to do.
You are my dearest one and believe me i'll remember you,
I love you my kid, my little baby,
I miss you and ur mommy...Daddy loves you kid...

Listen to your heart

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

It must have been love

Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out