Hari ni birthday dia. Walaupun aku tak dapat celebrate dengan dia,tetapi aku happy. Happy yang aku celebrate dengan dia dalam imaginasi aku.Just you and me. I know there will be a lot of guys out there will be asking her out on her birthday. No doubt. Suddenly i saw a post from this guy Ashraf wishing her happy birthday and with "xoxo". In my mind, i cried my heart out and suddenly i broke tears. Tears kept dropping. I tried to be strong. I kept telling myself, if i love her,i should let her be happy with whomever that could make her happy altho i want her so much, altho i could love her LIKE NO ONE ELSE, but that's just words. Without her experiencing it, it will be pointless. Yes,people would say i could show it before, why now? I'm a human. I made mistakes.Nobody is perfect. I chose the wrong ones but that doesn't mean that i will still be the same. How long more i would want to stay in that life and keep suffering. With clear mind,and with all that, i understand with perfect clarity. Mistakes made us grow up. Some people are still in their dreams,still cheating on girls, still fucking around, altho they are not attached,but their objectives are just to get into anyone's pants. That's what i heard and saw in front of my own eyes. But above all these, it is always come back to my ownself. How far i've changed? Not just for the one i love, but also for myself & my family. Taking from a quote "If she leaves him,she is missing out on a great guy who has changed and learned from his mistakes from the past.The next girl will be the luckiest of all for he will appreciate and learned from the greatest suffering that he went through."
It all comes back to one self. How much i know i've changed.Whether for better or worse. It's me and God who knows. It is personal satisfaction that in these 2 months,i could do it.To get rid of things that been haunting me all these while.Ever since i got heart broken twice from the person named Danna and Eleanor who cheated on me and made me who i am before. A person who plays arounds with girls. A person who never believed in the name of LOVE. A person who never have faith in women. All just by himself.
But because of all these believes, he mistaken it with a real good girl. A real faithful one. A wifey. Truly my other half.Someone who would go through anything with me. I was blinded to see it due to my believes. I was selfish. I was thinking about myself only. I wasn't like that at all!. I was caring,loving,protective,faithful. I was afraid that i would hurt her by my past. Afraid i would tarnish her happiness but she knew how to draw me into her. That was the greatest moment of all thruout my life. And from all that, she indirectly taught me something. I became who i used to be back. The caring & loving guy who would do anything for his love. For that i thank you Keng Eileen. Altho i learnt it in a VERY hard way and caused me to lose you but above all with my entire heart, i love you so very much, and i am thankful and grateful to you.
To show my sincerity and how much my love would never change, i am prepared to go into old age without no partner as i've crushed my own heart so that no one could replace Keng Eileen.
Your Other Half,
Ryn.
