You Can't Have A Rainbow Without A Little Rain

Some people are just too afraid of getting hurt when it comes to love. They just tend to ignore this kind of stuff because they are just too scared to face the reality of falling in love. Maybe they’ve been hurt in the past and have a strong fear that this will happen again. The problem is — even if you hide your feelings just because you have that fear of hurting, you end up hurting anyway because you didn’t try. There is always that regret you feel once you miss out on the opportunity of actually falling in love with the right person because you just let them go. It’s better to just try it, if you think it’s the right thing to do. Don’t let fear control you, because it’s fear that is stopping you from doing the things that you might just want to do. Facing your fears would make you stronger and a better person than you are today. If you don’t want to get hurt, then you are a coward in any situation that you think that might end up hurting you. Everyone gets hurt sometimes even surprisingly. Its normal to get hurt but hurting can actually make you stronger. It can also help you face the reality of falling in love in an amazing but hurtful way. It’s a fact that falling in love might end up hurting you but that’s not a reason to give up on someone just because you are too afraid to feel the pain. Life is an adventure and you have to explore life in order for you to experience the reality. So don’t hold back your feeling especially to the one you like or love. It’s much better to try and get hurt than to actually avoid trying and feel regret. Because in this way at least you know you tried and you don’t have to wonder what life would have been like if you didn’t. All the way through your life there will be decisions to be made. But dwelling on the “what ifs” becomes a form of mind torture and keep you trapped in the past. Because you can’t help wondering what if you had just tried it? What could have happened? Would I actually feel happiness? So if you feel it’s right, then just grab the opportunity. “Seize the Day” and tell them how you feel. It may surprise you how they respond. In the end, no matter the outcome, you can’t get it wrong. If their response is “wow! I feel the same” then you are on the way to discovering a new relationship. And if their response is “no thanks” then you have gained from the experience and are one step closer to finding “the perfect one of your dreams”. Even though you may get hurt in the process, falling in love always takes you to another richer experience.

Funny

Dear Blog, it has been sometime the last i update you. So here goes. So much funny things happened lately. I met this girl whom my love now but the funny thing is that, every time i think back how i treated Eileen, it is the other way round now. I'm exactly in Eileen's position now. Treating so good and nice to my current gf. Reminds me a lot of how Eileen said she wants a gentleman, financially stable, caring and loving. Because of my past experience with Eileen, now i appreciate so much of women, being grateful of what i have even sometimes my current gf would made me feel suspicious or hurt me. In any relationship, there will always be one sided. When one cares, the other take things for granted. Guess i'm in the took for granted shoe. I took Eileen for granted and now it is my own turn. That's how karma works no doubt but that never even make me back down or giving up. Instead it drives me forward. To be better man and shows her that i'm someone worth. Someone who can be a husband and dad. Took down my ego and pride. I'm so very happy that i don't even get mad or scold my current gf. I managed to hold back and control my temper and think positively. That's the key. I got all lovey dovey with her but she is just like how i used to be, doesn't like it. She even asked me not to care for her too much because she's scared that we will ended up like her ex'es though her ex'es treated her bad but not me. How funny that she said im a gentleman. Even her whole family is backing me up even when things go wrong with both of us. Responsibilities is the keyword. Responsibilities creates love. Responsibilities creates the security in a woman. Nowadays, whenever i made mistakes, i will quickly apologize and sometimes when even it is not my fault, i still apologize. Why? Because i vale the relationship more than my own ego. Let alone people who will tell me stupid saying that im losing myself for the one i love and care about. I know in every person will have a limit but let me tell you my limit is even higher up since the last i was with Eileen. It is ten folds now. Other funny things, im mixing around with a group of Ipohrian. They know Eileen because one of their friend is her ex bf. How funny it is that i still talk about Eileen with this group. Not bad stuff but good things about her. These people talked bad about her when she was with Bryan and it is funny that how i backed her up in front of these guys even though she is no longer with me. I kept asking myself why i did that but i just got one answer, because to me she is not bad after all and she must have got her own reasons behind all those happened. I kept pushing myself forward. To love her more and more everyday and that's what i've been doing. Care for her so much until she told me i suffocate her. Sigh...now when i think back, how i am like this towards Eileen. Things would have been different. I prolly would have gotten married to her and have kids of our own. Told ya this is all funny. Funny how life works. One time we are in the loosing side and one time we are in the winning side.

New Life

I feel like i did something wrong. I have no feelings nor love for her but why did i jumped into a new relationship? I feel alone and lonely. This is unfair to her. I must stop it before it gets worse.

Taurus

Who and what is a Taurus? Taurean are extremely loyal,faithful,caring and loving. They are the best zodiac sign for being a lover though sometimes they don't know how to express their emotions because they are keeping it to themselves. What is loyal? Some describes loyal as someone who don't talk nor going out with girls,let alone being flirty but this is how Taurean describes being loyal. They are the creatures who are out going. Friendly when you get to know them. For female gender,they will have lots of guys friends and vice versa but they know their limitation/border and will always go back to their partner no matter what. Taurean loves freedom. So when Taurus' partners don't allow them to do some things, they tend to do things without telling it. Not they want to cheat, but because they don't like to be controlled and moreover they want to avoid arguments and do things that they want to do. With Taurean, you can't control them. It takes a lot to be patient with Taurus.

Taurean are amazing people. They stand out among others but due to this, always their partners feel insecure. It is their nature to be like that. To them, if people can't accept them at their worst, then people don't deserve them at their best. Taurus ain't boastful. They are the creature who will get things done when they said it. It is just matter of time.


I'm sure everyone knows how girls tend to "think too much", "make up stories" in their minds, and of coz, blaming everything on the guys even though they've done nothing wrong - yet.

You see, every time a girl gets jealous, or sulk over a matter, the last thing she wants is for you to prove her right (although she doesn't want to be proven wrong either). But trust me, she wants to be proven wrong more than she wants to be proven right (although it never seems that way). Confusing, I know.

For example, when your GF gets jealous of you getting too closely with another girl (which you have absolutely nothing going on with), the last thing she wants is for you to prove her right, that you are having something going on with the other girl.

Let me paint the picture clearer for you.

My ex gf has gotten jealous over other girls numerous times that it's impossible for me to keep count. Yes, she is that insecure, but of coz i blame it on myself for not being able to give her the emotional security that she needed. But i would like to stress about her also for being over sensitive and insecure. After getting to know this, i've done my best to stay away from girls. Even girls whom i know dearly. My BFF which i have never have anything going on with her, all for the person whom i love dearly, Keng Eileen. I even try not to mix around with other friends anymore. Thus i only stick with 2 of my best friends. Aszam Ahmad Malique and Nazirky a.k.a Bros. Yes, i admit my ex gf doesn't like Aszam coz she thinks he brings bad influence upon me,but let me tell you something. I can differentiate between right and wrong, altho i know he has done a lot of wrong before this, but i befriended with people whom i can trust,people who would be there for me when im in need,when im down. These 2 gentlemen are the one.I don't need a lot of friends. Two of them could make me happy, would understand me when im down, would help me when im in need. The people who are willing to go thru anything for me.

So now let's make it even clearer.

Im someone whom nice looking, sociable, smart, and overall, what most girls would be attracted to. The thing about having guys like me as a BF is that, there are bound to be other girls lurking around trying their luck in which i didn't try my best to repent them away.

So trying to reason with my ex gf regarding this matter was a vain as it ended up into a heated argument like always. Things got bad that eventually both of us headed with our own ways, which i felt it was a blessing in disguise. At least we're now both free of our own emotional torture.

Back to the topic, girls doesn't want to be proven right.

So things have ended quite some time now and we've both moved on. But the question is, was I right or wrong for being myself and her with "over thinking" mindset?

I guess it's easier for to understand that no girls wants to be proven right. The reason they get jealous or insecure is because they care too much about you that it scares them. Yes, they might not be handling their emotions in a proper way, but guesss it's my part to help her. It's my part to show my loved ones that it is okay to feel jealous, that it is okay to "over think" things. But most importantly, it is my part to prove them wrong. For that, i lost a diamond while searching for rocks.

Kehidupan

Kita pernah “DILUKAI”
dan mungkin pernah “MELUKAI”
tapi kerana itu kita BELAJAR
tentang bagaimana cara menghargai, menerima, berkorban dan memperhatikan.

Kita pernah “DIBOHONGI”
dan mungkin pernah “MEMBOHONGI”,
tapi dari itu kita belajar tentang KEJUJURAN.

Andaikan kita tidak pernah melakukan kesalahan dalam hidup ini, mungkin kita tidak pernah belajar arti diri MEMINTA MAAF dan MEMBERI MAAF.

Setiap waktu yang telah kita habiskan dalam hidup ini, tidak akan
terulang kembali. Namun ada satu hal yang masih tetap bisa kita lakukan,..
yaitu BELAJAR dari masa lalu untuk hari ESOK yang lebih baik.

Hidup adalah proses,
Hidup adalah belajar.

Tanpa ada batas umur,
Tanpa ada kata tua
JATUH, berdiri lagi
KALAH, mencuba lagi
GAGAL, bangkit lagi,

Her Birthday

Hari ni birthday dia. Walaupun aku tak dapat celebrate dengan dia,tetapi aku happy. Happy yang aku celebrate dengan dia dalam imaginasi aku.Just you and me. I know there will be a lot of guys out there will be asking her out on her birthday. No doubt. Suddenly i saw a post from this guy Ashraf wishing her happy birthday and with "xoxo". In my mind, i cried my heart out and suddenly i broke tears. Tears kept dropping. I tried to be strong. I kept telling myself, if i love her,i should let her be happy with whomever that could make her happy altho i want her so much, altho i could love her LIKE NO ONE ELSE, but that's just words. Without her experiencing it, it will be pointless. Yes,people would say i could show it before, why now? I'm a human. I made mistakes.Nobody is perfect. I chose the wrong ones but that doesn't mean that i will still be the same. How long more i would want to stay in that life and keep suffering. With clear mind,and with all that, i understand with perfect clarity. Mistakes made us grow up. Some people are still in their dreams,still cheating on girls, still fucking around, altho they are not attached,but their objectives are just to get into anyone's pants. That's what i heard and saw in front of my own eyes. But above all these, it is always come back to my ownself. How far i've changed? Not just for the one i love, but also for myself & my family. Taking from a quote "If she leaves him,she is missing out on a great guy who has changed and learned from his mistakes from the past.The next girl will be the luckiest of all for he will appreciate and learned from the greatest suffering that he went through."

It all comes back to one self. How much i know i've changed.Whether for better or worse. It's me and God who knows. It is personal satisfaction that in these 2 months,i could do it.To get rid of things that been haunting me all these while.Ever since i got heart broken twice from the person named Danna and Eleanor who cheated on me and made me who i am before. A person who plays arounds with girls. A person who never believed in the name of LOVE. A person who never have faith in women. All just by himself.

But because of all these believes, he mistaken it with a real good girl. A real faithful one. A wifey. Truly my other half.Someone who would go through anything with me. I was blinded to see it due to my believes. I was selfish. I was thinking about myself only. I wasn't like that at all!. I was caring,loving,protective,faithful. I was afraid that i would hurt her by my past. Afraid i would tarnish her happiness but she knew how to draw me into her. That was the greatest moment of all thruout my life. And from all that, she indirectly taught me something. I became who i used to be back. The caring & loving guy who would do anything for his love. For that i thank you Keng Eileen. Altho i learnt it in a VERY hard way and caused me to lose you but above all with my entire heart, i love you so very much, and i am thankful and grateful to you.

To show my sincerity and how much my love would never change, i am prepared to go into old age without no partner as i've crushed my own heart so that no one could replace Keng Eileen.


Your Other Half,

Ryn.

Together Again

We went out that one night when it was too dark to see, we kissed
the tender caring woman that you were.
I wasn't interested all along but i came back to see
what i couldn't distinguish the night before.
I left and i try to pushed you from my memory
but your personality, attitude, your love pursued me and we fell
We burned the phone lines until i melted and i been compassionate to you.

Our first time together you touched me and discovered new territories in me, i never even knew existed.
I cried out in passion as our bodies melded together like melted steel
We soared together and landed on exotic shores, still clinging together, wanting more.

But i drifted apart, my body went astray and but never my soul.
My heart, however still remained yours.
Now after so much we went through, the fire has been burning even bigger and i find myself loving you even more.
The passion has been awakened, the flames burning brighter than before.

I need you, i want you, i desire you even more.
I pray for the day when we'll be free to love, unconditionally, once more.

Chance

I love u n that is true, no one know how much i long for you. Each day i dream that you are near just a glance away...

Another chance that's all i ask, to hold u close and hope for the moment to last.

I'd give my all, see and touch ur face, memories each angle to have something to rekindle.

Ur my dream come true and I'll give my life for u, i'll protect u make sure that no one can ever hurt u.

I'll ask all the angels to guide u, i'll always love u and no one will take ur place.

Look down on me from the sky, for each time a star sparkles i'll know its you smiling from above.

I miss you baby, so bad...

Poetry is the food of Love v.3

U r beautiful, u r the night
the shining skies, the stars so bright

You are the other half of me
all the things i want to be

My heart is urs, u've had it all along
and together we make this wonderful song

You make me feel so whole
dancing around inside my soul
and i just want 2 melt into u
words r here, thoughts so true

I cannot begin to explain
the purpose behind the pain
but i want it to lead us back to one another
to be friends, companions and lovers
and i prayed to God every day
to show u the way
back to our heart

When we were loving
Im alive
When we fight
Im crying inside
And all i wanna
Do is die

When i hear u breathe
When u sleep
My heart skips a beat

When u laugh
My heart hears angels sing

When u cry
It makes me wanna die
For i know pain is
Our sorrow

When u say u love me
I just wanna b next 2 u
So my lips can touch urs


When we make love.
I nvr wanna stop.
For it's ur body i want
next 2 me

It's u and me
And me and u
4 when u
c my heart
u c me
And when u
c me
Forever it can be u and me..

I love the way u love me.
I wish i was closer to the love
We shared

You

U r the love that my heart was waiting for
I may have thought i loved someone else before
But this is nothing in comparison with the love i feel for u
U r my only love
My greatest love
My missing puzzle piece
My dream come true
The woman i prayed for, and loved
Even before i physically met you
I always knew u were there
U have always been a part of my heart
This is the one thing that u can always count on
U'll always have my love, my loyalty my body and my heart
U r my soul’s match and my destiny
I will love u all the days of my life
And through eternity ever after.

Poetry is the food of Love v.2

As I gaze into the deepest blue
So strong is your will 2 love and b true
Ur soul i see; ur heart, i feel
As i gaze into the deepest blue

Ur afraid to love due to my past
So broken is ur heart confused
Heaven u pray; plz make ur pain go away
Storms continue to rage as i gaze into the deepest blue

2 mask the pain; u say being alone is true
However, ur heart yearns to love again all anew
U try to hold back love; love wants to soar up above
As i gaze into the deepest blue

Let ur heart feel love again
For living in the past only brings pain
Embrace love, and let love live once more
As ur eyes reveal love, in the deepest blue

How do i make this heartache go away
My head, and heart, and its thinking goes a stray
Plz let me see the light of love once more
However, more suffering is in store

Let love live i say
I cry to thee; please never go away
My love, i'll help you ease the pain
By loving you once again

Poetry is the food of Love

Im sorry for the pain for all what i raze
With all the tears falling off of ur face
Our wonderful dreams now faded with haze
Because of me our souls can no more gaze
U r the moon that i always gaze

In my head wonder, the thought of u never coming back
It scare me till to hang my neck
Inside me like a glass
We had a great past

Some problems in life
But i still wanted it to be u
Im seeing thru the nite

Sometimes i still cry
From a crushing heart
Yet i still want u
Even though we're a part
Wishing you'd come back

I see us in the clouds
See us in the moon
See myself with u again
U r my princess and queen.. I love u!

Im sorry for the lies
No more of that, only the truth
This love i have for u is real
And as i say this i start to kneel

I nvr told u this before and how
The only time i felt this way
Is right here and now
I guess i missed the chance to come out and say
That i love u more each night and day

I used to be ur pride and joy
U used to show me off
U made sure I was well cared for
U even made sure I rested well

Im falling apart and becoming unhealthy
Wake up and love me again
Love me again, plz love me again before i die

Listen carefully to what i to have say my other half,
Because i believe there wont be another opportunity 2 tell u this.
I love u and i am truly sorry i lied.
I know it was not right for me to do so.

I know I lost ur trust.
As i also know u r not going to 4give me for a long time.
Just know that the love i have for u will burn strong till the day u decide to come back.

She didn't deserve it

I understand with perfect clarity what its like 2 take her 4 granted.

I understand with perfect clarity how badly it burns 2 see her tears fall down her face when she asked me 4 so little and I made it sound like it was so much.

I understand with perfect clarity the guilt that would come over me when I'd want to be out with my friends instead of sitting at her place with her and me under a blanket.

I understand with perfect clarity the sensation of putting her down in front of my friends when she never deserved it.

I understand with perfect clarity the ache I'd see in her eyes when she so badly wanted me to be just a fraction of all the things she had been 4 me.

I understand with perfect clarity the mistrust I gave her when other girls would smile at me and I would smile back.

I understand with perfect clarity the anguish I caused her when I said I'd be there and didn't meet her half way.

I understand with perfect clarity the crushing devastation I gave her in all the times she tried to love me.

I understand with perfect clarity the defiance of never acknowledging the tears she shed 4 us.

I understand with perfect clarity the burning of her sobs upon my hand when I tried to comfort her.

I understand with perfect clarity the grief I caused her in all my maybes and what ifs.

I understand with perfect clarity the torment of never being able to say to her how scared I really was of the happiness she could have represented in my life.

And even though I 'understand with perfect clarity' such things... in my heart of hearts what she felt, put up with, went through, cried about, and endured because of my insecurities, mistrust, and bad choices of mistakes...

My depressive heart didn't have it half as bad as hers...

Through the good times and the bad... I know I gave her 'for the better'... but I also gave her 'for the worse'...

And she didn't deserve it... she didn't deserve it...Am truly sorry my love. I want to fix us right.

Depression

I'm just tired.
I don't have motivation to get up in the morning.
I say no to hanging out with friends.
I get upset over the stupidest things.
I cry much too often.
I'm too irritable and i snap at at people.
Most of the time i don't understand the things i do.
or why i do them in the first place.
Depression isn't something that just goes away over night.
It's an illness.
So mom,dad, i'm sorry.
I hope you can understand why im being so quiet.
I'm sorry to all my friends.
I wish i could let u inside my head
because i feel like u all see me as an over dramatic person.
i'm just too sensitive.
i can't help it.i don't want to be this way anymore.
It hurts.I hope u can understand.
All this while i've been hurt.When she came into my life, i was afraid that i hurt her.
Till i chose to be wrong.
She is too good for me.

Digga - Broken 2008 (NEW VERSION)

Yours was the perfect love, I swear it was.
Until I had your love, my world was cold
I did what most men do and I messed it up.
But when I got you back, my world was whole.
(The Player thing I let it go, thought our life was set in stone)
But it wasn’t, and I’m here alone.
(Nothing is in front of me, I feel I can’t even breathe)
Don’t think that I can handle this baby I’m so…
Left here,broken.

Scorpions - Still Loving You (lyrics)

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday
I will be there, I will be there

I'll fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can break down the wall someday
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
I'm loving you

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, our love
Just shouldn't be thrown away
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Yes, I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end
I'm still loving you
I'm still loving you, I need your love
I'm still loving you

She Used to say this

I wish we could go back to this moment and for me to appreciate you..thank you for being there for me.



Sayang...don't ever cry again when I'm not there by urside,it hurts my heart for not being there for u...I so wanna hug u kiss u n make u feel better.I don't care how many people don't like me..All I want is you to love me from the bottom of ur heart,no lies no bad things...no matter wat ur past is...that's ur past..I had my past too..everyone does..no matter what u did in ur past..it does not apply on me...I'm ur presence..and I wanna be ur future...don't let me down like how u don't want me to let u down...If u were a player once...that was ur past..it's gone..now u have me..u cannot be a player..cuz I don't love a player..n u won't be one anymore..wat ur mom says about u or says about me..it's ok..buy time..she don't know how her son is progressing..she don't know me..start to treat her better and tell her things slowly...she'll see it one day. I'm sorry if my presence bring u trouble..I just haven't and don't wish to give up in this relationship we have..I had to be stubborn n firm to tell myself ur gonna be the one for me..n I want myself to be right..so don't fail me. In this short period of time that we get to know each other and for other's to accept me it's hard..and yes I don't like it. But I buy time..I wanna know that this decision I made is right..whatever u've gone through with Brenda..I don't wanna know already...I know how you feel for her..I love my first bf as much as u loved her..he WAS my everything...he's the only person who really really loves me and take care of me even he's got nothing..and I left him just to please my mum...sometimes I wish one day I could find someone better than him to take care of me..becoz the way he treat me is just unexplainable..but I never ask for anything..from u...becoz u r my presence...and I don't want to ask...like u said..I'll c it myself one day...u are u..my past is my past..ur past is ur past..I don't think about my past until u tell me about ur past.I'm a person who campak my past aside until someone reminds me of it..karma..watever it is..if we'r strong nothing will go wrong...make me the only one..






Dear Darling,
 
 
 
I wish I could make everysingle day of ur life like living on a rainbow...where every color represents different surprises & happiness..the cover of me is just like a cover of a book..I hope one day you'll be able to read till the last page of me & know whats the meaning of me & the index of me..I wish I don't have to make my rainbow colorless. People kept telling me I look tough but I am weak & broken inside..some people don't see the detail of me. I wish one day you'll get your wish & still have me to celebrate with you side by side. My heart was empty ♡ but I have decided to let you fill me ♥ but please don't break me my love.  Your other half,Me.

Till I Collapse

Cause sometimes i just feel tired,
Feel weak, and when i feel weak, i feel like i wanna just give up.
But i gotta search within me, i gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that shit out of me and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad i wanna just fall flat on my face and collapse.

Afraid

I'm an idiot when you speak,
Colorblind when you deny.

Wish it's not just a flashback
Wish it wasn't just a dream

because you don't know how afraid i am

afraid of losing you....

Moments

It's crazy right?

to love someone who's hurt you
it's even crazier to think that
someone who hurt you loves you...

After all we have been through, i'm still hoping that i'll somehow end up in your last chapter.

because i don't want to think that we have already had our final goodbye...