She didn't deserve it

I understand with perfect clarity what its like 2 take her 4 granted.

I understand with perfect clarity how badly it burns 2 see her tears fall down her face when she asked me 4 so little and I made it sound like it was so much.

I understand with perfect clarity the guilt that would come over me when I'd want to be out with my friends instead of sitting at her place with her and me under a blanket.

I understand with perfect clarity the sensation of putting her down in front of my friends when she never deserved it.

I understand with perfect clarity the ache I'd see in her eyes when she so badly wanted me to be just a fraction of all the things she had been 4 me.

I understand with perfect clarity the mistrust I gave her when other girls would smile at me and I would smile back.

I understand with perfect clarity the anguish I caused her when I said I'd be there and didn't meet her half way.

I understand with perfect clarity the crushing devastation I gave her in all the times she tried to love me.

I understand with perfect clarity the defiance of never acknowledging the tears she shed 4 us.

I understand with perfect clarity the burning of her sobs upon my hand when I tried to comfort her.

I understand with perfect clarity the grief I caused her in all my maybes and what ifs.

I understand with perfect clarity the torment of never being able to say to her how scared I really was of the happiness she could have represented in my life.

And even though I 'understand with perfect clarity' such things... in my heart of hearts what she felt, put up with, went through, cried about, and endured because of my insecurities, mistrust, and bad choices of mistakes...

My depressive heart didn't have it half as bad as hers...

Through the good times and the bad... I know I gave her 'for the better'... but I also gave her 'for the worse'...

And she didn't deserve it... she didn't deserve it...Am truly sorry my love. I want to fix us right.